I have to stop pretending that I know what I'm doing.

I often get things confused, I fall for the ones that don't love me, and reject the ones that do.

There are so many things I do in secret, to show you that I love you.
Things I do in secret, even though you'll never know.
But I am a sea of chaos, only waves of confusion going on and on.
Sometimes my thoughts are not my thoughts.
I've borrowed them from some place else, I've stole them form somebody else.
I do everything I have at hand to keep myself from being happy.
These thoughts, these thoughts.

Not tonight

I'm getting an urge for dark places

cold places

to feel some stranger's mouth

on private places

the smell of feces and latex

I'm tired of waking up on strange sheets

dirty sheets

wrapped up around strange legs

to not remember his name

Walk around lost in this place

Let me have the strength to say not tonight

It won't happen, at least not tonight